Welcome Back

I'm not sure of you how many know this, but I don't have a functional immune system. If I have a fever that reaches 100.6, it's what is referred to as a "medical emergency," and I'm required to go to the hospital.  When I go to the hospital, I'm normally there for at least 8 days:  2 days to get the fever down and 6+ days to figure out what it is, so they can prescribe me the correct medicine.  Since I don't have the ability to fight off anything on my own, everything is on the table.  Weird bacteria, strange viruses, and worst yet, common molds.  Every fever related admission to the hospital is russian roulette.

It's Super Bowl Sunday, and I wake up with a fever of 100.6.  Bullshit.  Fever be damned.  I'm watching this game.  I'm glad, for all my 49'er and Bronco fan friends, at least you're not Cowboy fans.  So the game's over and this fever isn't going away.  Fuck!  With each fever, comes the inevitable, personal, tug of war between my ego and the acknowledgement of my, very real, vulnerability.  I never want to acknowledge my vulnerability.  I've always had issues with being vulnerable, and by extension, sharing any perceived weakness.  I've always seen myself as a grounded, strong individual.  I take pride in carrying people's weight, problems, issues, and providing sage advice. I have an unwavering confidence that I have all the resources, at my disposal, to come out of this, on the other side, relatively unscathed, having learned even more lessons of life and having gained more perspective.  

Something I have noticed, is that while I don't doubt this, I've been experiencing some issues relating to people projecting doubt, upon me, as if a relapse is some unscalable wall.  I'm going to let you in on a little secret.  This is just a hurdle. Life's easy and it's great, until it's hard and, at times, arduous.  This is just something I've always treated as fact, and I don't sit around and worry about the unknown.  As someone who's had previous issues with depression, I've learned that's not where you want to go.  Besides, where's the utility in that?  I feel as though the worrying is often times much worse than the actual things we must endure.  So I'd ask that you all don't worry about me, don't doubt me, and don't pity me.  Just believe in me, and I'll take care of the rest.